Thursday, February 25, 2010

SOMETHING NEW (GETTING OVER THE OLD)


“Tell me whom you love, and I'll tell you who you are”

 

"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." - Maya Angelou 


When starting over one must leave the old finish line behind! We often try to start over but from the same starting point, with the lack of willing to try something new. For many we rather stick to these types were use to then branch out to better. We often give up on expectations of greater love,because were use to the lacking or lesser love. The greatest mistake ever made is carried over hurt & baggage into a new relationship we often hold the new partner accountable of the former partners mistakes!


In addition, to the starting over we often jump the gun before were ready. Giving into the temptation of another touch or the fear of being alone. For many men they rather just hit the rebounds then dealing with the love they just lost! Many men deal with heartbreak by jumping in the bed with another woman, as if by sleeping with another woman it will erase the pain from the last one!Most women on the other hand would indulge in a series of dates with men they know aren't going to commit. This way they have no unforeseen hurt again they already know he is not interested or investing in long-term! 



If a broken hearts could come with warning signs! Things would be different if people came with warning labels then you would know the caution ahead! However we do not come with warning signs or even caution flags. We often take advantage of  being broken heart we use that as an excuse a crutch to stay in a broken position. Many women will use the broken heart excuse to keep from being hurt again we use that as a shield or guard to keep out potential hurt!"Potential hurt" there is no guarantee that the next will make the same mistakes or cause the same pain.

However instead of stepping out and disarming ourselves we stay guarded missing a potentially great guy! Most women stick with a type of male that never fails them,however the meaning for that is you're not surprised by them. Your use to liars so you date men that lie that way you're not hurt when they do,some women flock to cheaters because they rather deal with a man they know will then risk being hurt by one who will not! Most women and men would rather play it safe the gamble and risk of being hurt again, furthermore it's easier to deal with what you know then face what you don't know!



When it comes to love, dating, relationships you must be willing to try! You have to understand that you will not get anywhere hoping nothing goes wrong. Life it based off things that might go wrong, so why should relationships,dating, or even love be any different? You cannot be afraid to start over again when you fall down, you have to get up take the lessons learned and move forward! Take the lessons learned not the pain or baggage but the experience and lessons you were taught! We often fail in the next relationship because we do not take the lessons learned with us, we often do the same errors in the last relationship in the new one and wonder what is wrong.If you're lacking communication skills learn to communicate before you jump into another relationship! If you're lacking ambitions find some before getting into a relationship the hardest part about dating someone without goals is helping them find some! If your a cheater find away to be faithful, find out why your unable to turn away temptation?  If your the liars seek out why you feel you must lie rather then telling the truth! It's not hard to change you have to want to, and starting over means changing things about yourself too! We often think that because the break up was the fault of our partners we did not play a role! Like the fault is all theirs but the truth is sometimes it's the little things we neglect that another one won't!You cannot desire anything you do not offer, you cannot expect anything you will not give in return!


The 10 Must have's 

  1. Communication skills- Nobody wants to date someone who can't express themselves. Learn to say what you mean, even more so learn to express emotions as they come not after you have built a case against them!
  2. Honesty- Pretty much tell the truth even if you think it's not going to be received well, we rather hear the truth first then fall for a lie! Not to mention the fact once the truth does come out you have created a bigger problem then if you had just told the truth the first time! 
  3. Living up to Your Demands- Don't look for more then what your willing to give! If your not willing to work, be loyal, give your devotion then don't expect someone to be willing to hand it to you! 
  4. Faithfulness- Enough said don't cheat, nobody wants to hear "I'm sorry I made a mistake,by sleeping with someone else." Because the next question is going to be "Why, what didn't I do for you?" now on top of being hurt you have the concern of not being enough! Be faithful if you feel that things are lacking speak up, or break up! 
  5. Commitment- Be willing to devote yourself to the relationship your in! Often times we are just existing in a relationship not really involved in it! If your not ready to be more or give more make that clear don't have your partner thinking your more devoted then what you really are! 
  6. Friendships- We often forget to be friends in a relationship. We forget to get along with each other, and to be there without the constant need for a label! Friends first last longer then lovers without a common interest!
  7. Definitions- Know your placement often times were given the "girlfriend" role,but were really just that really "great friend". Most times we take on a role for so long that when it's taken from us we don't know how to handle that or deal with the rejection. So make sure you know what both parties bring to the table! 
  8. Spice- Keep things interesting and new. Don't let the spark die because your too busy or too lazy! 
  9. Investments- Look at your relationships as investments! Money and time well spent the biggest mistakes we make is we don't invest in our relationships. Yet we wonder why they die or fall apart, think about it this way of you have an account but you never put money in it. You still have an account but it's no good to you can't use it there is nothing in it for you! 
  10. Knowing Yourself- Don't get so caught up in a relationship you lose you! Don't become so devoted to them that if they leave you say "What am I to do without them?" Now you have to know yourself an maintain that knowledge of who you are!

"The first duty of love is to listen." 
"Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man."
"When I first saw you
I was afraid to talk to you,
When I first talked to you
I was afraid to like you,
When I first liked you
I was afraid to love you,
Now that I love you
I'm afraid to lose you."
"Love at first sight is possible,
but it's always a good idea
to take a second look."
"I may not be your first,
but to be your last would be perfect!"

KEKE WYATT - Who Knew (The New Album)

Born Ketara Shavon Wyatt however known to the world as KeKe Wyatt! Her voice has graced all genre's of music from gospel,soul,contemporary R&B,and even pop music. Her musical chemistry collaborations with Avant are legendary! Her collaboration with Avant on his album "My Thoughts" opened the door to her Certified Gold album "Soul Sista" in 2001. Her musical inspirations are apparent in her singing style with a wide range of inspirations no wonder her music touches everyone! From the musical inspirations of Stevie Wonder,Ella Fitzgerald, Donny Hathaway all marked her music in some form. She caught the attention of some very connected people that helped her launch her career! She has also graced the stage in theater which only furthered her talent!
She recently launched her comeback album called "Who Knew" which was released February 23,2010 it's her highly awaited expected album! Her comeback that we all waited for , her voice was the missing link to the music industry. She is also on a new label now, and her start is just the beginning in a new year. She has giving many new divas a challenge while putting the season divas on notice that she is back for good and to stay!  With her new look and style she looks amazing and sounds angelic she's coming back with a powerful hit song that we all can relate to. So make sure you get your copy of this new album, and vote the video on every countdown and when it hits your radio stations make sure you make it #1.


Watch more My Thoughts videos on AOL Video


My First Love - Avant  ft. KeKe Wyatt



Watch more Soul Sista videos on AOL Video

  KeKe Wyatt- I Don't Wanna


KeKe Wyatt - Who Knew

When I Came Home


Relationships are complex the true complication comes in when truth has been lacks in the beginning. Often times relationships are started off on the wrong foot, when one is hiding their true intentions. I once thought that when it comes to relationships that you're given what you put in them. However that is not always fact mainly when your the only one being productive to start with. "Players" have ruined the very meaning of love, using it to gain affection or attention from the one they are pursuing. Often times we hear the words "I Love You" so often from crooked lips, that when were graced to hear them from the right ones were deaf! Many women will go through hell and back just to be in the arms of a man who says "I Love You". Many men will stick it out with a woman who says "I Love You" because of the theory "it's cheaper to keep her"!


A man once said to me "Omg your the best" and I replied "Wow really you never said that before?" and he replied "Oh no I just said sorry for not Showing it." You think that once you realize you're not showing someone how amazing they are to you, well you would step up! However for many men its a skill to keep you held with the hope one day that they will flood you with appreciation. Then to even say "Damn your such an angel." Then to turn around and tell her that it's pointless no matter what she does she shall never get what she really wants "You". However the game is to keep her around making sure that she doesn't stray to far just if you need her later. See most women have a limit of how far they will go, how much they will put up with before they let the tears beat them to the door! Most men have a level of pain they will endure before they say its over. Many of us will stay in an unhealthy relationships do to the time, we do not want to let years of devotion go down the drain. Many of us live in a world where we think that things will get better, that improvement is just around the corner!

"The Dreamer"- This person hopes that the relationship will be better. That the fairy tale lifestyle will comeback, prince charming is just around the corner he is ready to sweep you back off your feet! That queen you loved from the start is ready to regain her place in the kingdom. The dreamer is often so blinded by fear that it's over they will hide from the reality of what is really happening. Often times making excuses of why they will not leave or why they have to work things out.



"The Liar" - Well this happens a lot sadly we rather make up a relationship then face the one we are involved in. The difference among the dreamer, and liar is that a liar is aware of the fact things are horrible yet to get better. The liar is willing to make up happiness then face the truth that it's over and not getting any better. Nonetheless it takes facing the truth before they will walk away and admit that enough is enough.


"The Hopeful"- This is when your the worker in the relationship, and the devoted one through it all. Your the one that loses sleep while they have the quite dreams. Your the one that keeps the faith that if your supportive,devoted,loyal, and even just there they will come around. You have all the hope in the world that your time is not in vain.


"The Unfaithful"- This is when one of two things has taken place they have been hurt before or not willing to commit just yet. See when someone has been cheated on or betrayed in some way their guard is on high alert! They become more aware of everything, the littlest of details become suspect to them. Then you have the one that is just not willing to settle down, they aren't ready for the responsibility of being devoted. However there are some cases where you get the mixture of both, they have been hurt and not willing to face, that pain again. So cheating either emotionally or physically eases that pain for them, making it justifiable in their minds! Sometimes creating failure in a relationship just to justify their actions and emotions.
 
Dealing with the truth is hard, moving on is even harder. The greatest question ever asked "Can you remain friends after it's all done?" Many would say it depends on how the relationship ends, and if you're willing to just be friends?Sometimes you cannot just be friends when it hurts to see them around you not because you're in love, but because of all you went through just to have another benefit! Then there are times when you become the instant rebound they already know you and know that the feels are still there. You're enabling the hurt for later by sticking around knowing they aren't in it for the finish.

However there are some cases where you can be friends when it's all over, sometimes you fall out of love or liking and into a friendship. That is sad often unfortunate however it does happen your better friends then lovers so it works. In addition, to that when your the one that has been hurt over and over the only way you heal is with a distant relationship. You have to keep them away for your own peace of mind not letting yourself fall back into a painful situation! 



5 Step to Happiness

  1. Know yourself 1st 
  2. Make a list of what you want in a mate (Realistic things not qualities you lack yourself)
  3. Wake up looking forward to the positive (count your blessing)
  4. Grow up (accept responsibility for your actions)
  5. Good Deeds (Doing something out of the kindness of your heart not for a return)

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